I should be a better person than this

I just came back from a trip to our downtown mall. Like many downtown areas, ours has seen better days. Just when something looks good (parts have been recently very nicely renovated), we see that yet another store has gone out of business. Perhaps the worst part is the people. The downtown is a gathering place for what my boyfriend likes to call 'the collision of humanity'. Many of the people who frequent this mall are disabled, poor, elderly and in more than a few cases, quite mad (as in mentally ill). My intellect tells me I should be compassionate; these are people who are not so different from me, may have had bad things happen to them, victims of our failing social system blah blah blah. Instead, the first thought that pops into my mind when seeing a grossly obese woman on a scooter is ' Maybe if you weren't so horrendously fat, you wouldn't need the scooter.' I wrinkle my nose in distaste at the old man in front of me who reeks of urine. Instead of wondering if anyone is looking after the well-being of this man, I am repelled. I see single teenage moms, and instead of hoping that they are getting proper care, I think 'white trash'. I see people from whom there is no hope. They will never get out of the place they are in. And while I rant about our inadequate healthcare system and corporate tax cuts which could be funding universal daycare, I am judging these people-I tag them in my mind as stupid, fat, retarded (yes, to be honest, that horrible word is in my head).